When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
