Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
