Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
