note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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