life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
