She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
