so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
