he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
