i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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