my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
