I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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