the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
