I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
