that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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