Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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