dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
