I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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