What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
