I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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