so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
