remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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