just tell him i said nine months
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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