We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
