it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
