It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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