i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
