I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wear drunk well.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
