Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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