Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
