We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
