I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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