So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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