nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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