I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
