So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
