Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize