Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
