Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He has the fingertips of a God
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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