i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
