I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
