I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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