OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
