I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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