I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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