I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
