My first STD was from a foam party
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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