god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
two words...techno handjob
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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