How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
not ubering you a puppy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
