i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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