"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
