I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
