the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
