the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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