just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
